For $1,000,000…

March 6, 2009

Bang!

Would you get shot? Your survival is guaranteed, and you won’t be  permanently injured (save for scarring).

Nope. Definitely not. Perhaps I’m traumatized from having faced the business end of a few of them, but guns scare the shit out of me, and the thought of actually getting shot by one is nothing short of horrifying. I’m well aware of the fact that this is a stereotypically weenie liberal viewpoint, but so be it. Even though the thought of (hypothetically) losing out on a million dollars makes me sad, this is one fear that I don’t want to come face to face with. Aside from the pain (we’ll get to that in a minute), I have no desire to spend who knows how long recuperating, nor do I relish the prospect of the scarring that might result. And what if the unspecified wound turned out to be really horrible?  You’re not going to die, but that still leaves you open to all sorts of gruesome possibilities – people have been know to survive direct shots to the heart, for fuck’s sake. You’ve also got the anticipation factor. Imagine sitting there, waiting to be shot… It would be like dreading a visit to the dentist x100000000000000000.

Now, as to how painful this dare would be, it’s hard to say since you won’t know where you’ll be hit  (and even if you did, it’s not like there’s a chart rating various wounds). I’ll turn you over to this anonymous gunshot victim:

…there was the most incredible, shocking impact you could ever imagine–equivalent with having an M-80 (quarter stick of dynamite) go off in your shirt pocket…

So many people, when finding out I was shot in the chest, ask the same question. “Did it… hurt?” Um, yeah, it was the most agonizing thing I ever experienced, and could ever imagine experiencing...”

Think it’s worth it?

– Lauren

This is one of those questions that, because it’s so totally unspecific, I can’t definitively and simply answer. However, I will present you with a laundry list of situations and my response to each.

Shot in the
……………………….Answer
Face/Head…………………………..Fuck No
Neck……………………………………Hell No
Chest…………………………………..Nah
Stomach………………………………Nuh uh
Upper Arm………………………….Probably
Lower Arm………………………….Yes
Hand…………………………………..Definitely
Thigh…………………………………..Yes (Remember, I won’t be
permanently injured, so I’m not worried about developing a limp
)
Calf……………………………………….Okay!
Foot……………………………………….Happily

That’s right. I would endure the pain of being shot (in a few places; again, refer to above list for specifics) to avoid having a day job. Just once though — I’m no 50 Cent, but I am spunky! And I hate office work!

– Kali

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7 Responses to “For $1,000,000…”

  1. Yancey Says:

    For some reason this is a definite yes for me. I have always wanted to know what it feels like. Can you feel the bullet moving through you? When it breaks apart inside your body, can you pinpoint where? What’s it like looking at a whole into your body? I dunno. Just intensely curious about this, and always have been.

    Also, can we suggest questions? I have one: would you become a conjoined twin with another person (you can make it specific I guess) for one year for $1,000,000. your bodies will be medically fused together. when it’s over, there are no aftereffects.

    • Kali Says:

      Oooo…I like this question. Do you get to pick who you’re conjoined with? Or are you radomly assigned? Because that could make a huge difference, I think.

  2. Japonica Says:

    This game is scary. Now you guys are talking about getting shot? ROFLMAO! You ladies are krazy ladies.

  3. frankie machine Says:

    no fuckin way. my dumbass brother got shot when we were in high school and he said it was like getting a cannon shoved in his ass.

  4. H.Chen Says:

    sorry to say no ….hey i have a very low pain tolarance! it’s no fun to see blood or whatever come out of you’re body.. of course….how could anybody say yes? i would not do this.

  5. Dan Perstin Says:

    Aw, shucks. I don’t think so. what if it left ugly scarrage where the entrance and exit wounds were? But wait…I could use the money for plastic surgery. So, I’m going to do a 180 and say yes. I just talked myself into it!

  6. aileen Says:

    Kali, you would rather get shot in the hand and foot?? But what about all those tiny bones? I guess we have taken the risk of permanent injury off the table, but still…it somehow seems it would hurt more than, say, a nice neck wound.


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