For $1,000,000…

March 24, 2009


Would you become a regular at a sex/swingers club? You must participate regularly and enthusiastically!

As you can tell by reading this blog, I have negative associations with many, many things  (what can I say – I’m just judgmental like that). Toward the top of this lengthy list are sex clubs and “swinging.” Whenever I happen to think of them (and it’s not often), I envision faded, stained upholstery and the pudgy, leering face of legendarily unattractive pornographer Al Goldstein, who was one of the talking heads on a program I saw a while ago about sexuality in the 70s. Interspersed with his crass commentary (big surprise – he liked to hang out at the buffet table*) was footage of Plato’s Retreat, one of the most famous sex clubs of all time, and everyone (well, every man) was kind of pasty and hirsute. It was just so off-putting. While having a million dollars would be fantastic, I’m not going to have semi-anonymous sex on a regular basis with a bunch of sweaty strangers to earn it. Like it says in the bio, I’m really quite prudish.

* Yes, these places had buffet tables. I don’t consider myself to be overly fussy when it comes to germs and food safety, but really.

– Lauren

Have you ever seen The Lifestyle? If you haven’t, do. For the innocents who have not, a little primer: The Lifestyle is a documentary about real life swingers. Perhaps the message most obviously learned from the film is that, if you are looking for a community of sexy, glistening hardbodies to do it with, swinging is NOT the scene for you. Conversely, if you are looking to take up with a group of aging accountants and engineers with soft, doughy flesh and insatiable sex drives, then by all means, GET YOUR SWING ON. I like to think of it as a Scared Straight for those who might otherwise end up in a sweaty pile of scary.

– Kali


3 Responses to “For $1,000,000…”

  1. bc Says:

    Come on, we’re talking A MILLION DOLLARS here. You don’t have to go every day, you just have to go regularly. I’m assuming once a week. Totally doable. Plus, if you’re doing for it for a full year, you’ll start getting more and more comfortable and it will become more and more fun. You’ll invite your friends. They’ll invite their friends. It’ll be a party.

    I’m waiting for my evite.

  2. aileen Says:

    I’m glad you both said no to this, or else you’d have to face the quandary of what to do if Carrot Top walked into your sex club…

  3. e.smith Says:

    no to herpes

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