April 3, 2009
Would you live in a house built on an Indian burial ground for a year?
If your life was a horror movie, here’s a list of things that would ensure your death by the next scene:
- Going to check out that strange noise in the basement
- Following your cat into the basement, where it’s headed because it heard a strange noise
- Ignoring those menacing prank phone calls
- Having sex
- Taking your friend up on his offer of a weekend away at his family’s secluded cabin in the woods
- Exploring said woods
- Ignoring the advice of the town crazy person when he or she becomes strangely lucid on the subject of how you need to get the hell out of there
- Using an ancient book to conjure up demons
- Taunting inbred locals
And then we have the granddaddy of Horror Movie Death Predictors that this dare relies on: having anything to do with an indian burial ground. When some hapless family or greedy developer attempts to move in or build condos, you know they’re gonna get it but good. Still, this is real life we’re dealing with, not Zombie Braves of Doom #7, so I’d be willing to give this a try. Maybe I’d end up with a phantom tomahawk embedded in my skull, but maybe I’d merely end up a million dollars richer. I’ll play the odds.
I would do this dare for a lot of reasons (i.e., money), but I would definitely be nervous about it. As I mentioned before, I am a bit of le crackpot. Which means I believe in ghosts — and while I 1) like the scary, freak-me-outness involved in actually living in a haunted house, 2) it kinda makes me wanna puke, too. Still, pukey or not, for a million dollars, I’d pack up and move in today. And for another grand I’d have a t-shirt made that said I’D RATHER BE DESECRATING INDIAN BURIAL GROUNDS RIGHT NOW.