For $1,000,000…

April 10, 2009


Would you get a permanent tattoo right above your mouth that reads “NATIONAL SPERM BANK DEPOSITORY”?

I don’t know if there are words to properly convey how much I’m not doing this dare. For any amount of money. Or – wait – maybe for like, googolplex dollars, or King of Bahrain money or something. I mean the kind of money that would allow me to literally spend the rest of my life letting my muscles atrophy and shopping for islands and having panty and bra sets woven from $100 bills (I’d prefer $1,000 bills but they aren’t making those anymore). I would do it for that kind of bonkers cash, but nothing short of that. Mostly because 1) again, I don’t fuck with the face and 2) when you start advertising your mouth as the country’s depository for sperm, at some point, someone bigger and drunker and with more behavioral pathologies is going to decide to make you prove it. And that’s just not a scar I need on my soul.

– Kali

P.S. I know the picture isn’t really related to the dare but I just thought it was so fanamfuckingtasticmazing that maybe you’d want to see it.


7 Responses to “For $1,000,000…”

  1. I wonder if there are more than a dozen people in the world who would do this.

  2. Dan Perstin Says:

    What? Theres no way doing this could end well.

  3. Mari Says:

    “Cum Dumpster”. Heh.
    Also reminds me of “Cock Holster”.

  4. alantru Says:

    Hah! No. No. No.

    But I would shake the hand of anyone who did. And then run I’d away from them!

  5. No, No, Fuck No. And can we get past scenarios involving seman, poop, or other bodily fluids.

  6. womaninblack Says:

    No. But I’d have it tattooed elsewhere for £500,000.

  7. Mike Wad Says:

    No, but I might consider getting it tatted on my perineum.

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